Dear Psychologist,
My closest friend has gone quiet. She cancels plans, sleeps a lot, and says she is fine when she clearly is not. I do not want to push her away. How do I help?
A reader in Kisumu
It is clear you care about her, and noticing the change is itself an act of friendship. You do not need the right words or any clinical knowledge to help. What helps most is presence.
Try naming what you have seen, gently and without judgement, for example, "I have noticed you seem to have had a lot on lately, and I am here whenever you want to talk." Then listen more than you advise. People who are struggling often expect to be fixed or corrected, and simply being heard can be a relief. It is best to avoid telling her to cheer up or count her blessings, even with the kindest intentions, because it can leave her feeling more alone.
You can also offer something small and concrete, such as sitting together or taking a short walk, rather than a vague "let me know if you need anything." If she mentions feeling hopeless, or you find yourself genuinely worried for her safety, encourage her to speak with a doctor or counsellor, and offer to help her find one or to go with her. Look after yourself too. Supporting someone is easier when you are not carrying it entirely on your own.
Answered by a psychologist, The Mind Project. Dear Psychologist offers general psychological insight, not therapy, diagnosis or emergency support.
