Dear Psychologist,
I lost my father a year ago. People around me seem to think I should be back to normal by now, but some days the grief is as heavy as the first week. Am I grieving wrong?
A reader in Mombasa
There is no wrong way to grieve, and there is no schedule it is meant to follow. Grief is not a problem to be solved within a set number of months. It tends to come in waves, easing and returning, often stirred by a date, a song, or an ordinary moment that catches you off guard. A year on, heavy days are not a sign of failure. They are a sign that your father mattered.
For many people, over time, the waves gradually become less frequent and less overwhelming, and it becomes possible to carry both the loss and the rest of life alongside it. That does not mean forgetting, and it does not mean the love ends.
If the grief feels stuck, if it is hard to function day to day, if you feel cut off from the people around you, or if life begins to feel not worth continuing, those are reasons to reach out to a professional rather than to wait it out alone. Support exists, and using it is not a failure of strength. Try to be as patient with yourself as you would be with a friend in the same place.
Answered by a psychologist, The Mind Project. Dear Psychologist offers general psychological insight, not therapy, diagnosis or emergency support.
