When someone you care about is living with a mental health condition, you may want to help but feel unsure how. This guide offers simple, practical ways to support them, and to look after yourself too.
Listen more than you fix
One of the most helpful things you can do is simply listen, without rushing to fix or to give advice. Let the person talk, take them seriously, and try not to judge. Saying something as simple as “that sounds really hard, I am here” can mean more than any solution. People often need to feel heard before anything else.
What not to say
Some well-meant phrases can hurt. Try to avoid “just be strong”, “others have it worse”, “snap out of it”, or “it is all in your head”. These suggest the person is choosing to feel this way, which they are not. It also does not help to tell someone their illness is a spiritual failing or a punishment. Warmth and patience help far more than advice.
Gently encourage help
You can gently encourage the person to seek professional help, and offer practical support, such as helping them find a therapist or going with them to an appointment. Encourage, but try not to force, since pushing too hard can cause them to pull away. Our find a therapist and Get Support pages can help you both.
Practical, everyday help
Small practical things matter. Helping with meals, chores, childcare, or transport can lift a real weight when someone is struggling. Staying in touch with a simple message, and including the person rather than leaving them out, helps them feel less alone. Steady, ordinary kindness over time often does more than any single grand gesture.
Knowing the warning signs
Take any talk of suicide or self-harm seriously, always. If someone mentions wanting to die, or you are worried they may be in danger, stay with them, listen without panic, and help them reach urgent support. In Kenya, you can call Befrienders Kenya on +254 722 178 177. It is a myth that asking someone about suicide puts the idea in their head; asking, gently and directly, can help them feel less alone and is a caring thing to do.
Look after yourself too
Supporting someone can be tiring and at times painful, and you cannot pour from an empty cup. Look after your own rest, keep your own friendships and support, and set kind limits so that you do not lose yourself in caring for another. Looking after yourself is not selfish; it is what allows you to keep helping.
Sources
- World Health Organization. (2016). mhGAP Intervention Guide for mental, neurological and substance use disorders in non-specialized health settings (version 2.0).
- Dazzi, T., Gribble, R., Wessely, S., & Fear, N. T. (2014). Does asking about suicide and related behaviours induce suicidal ideation? A systematic review. Psychological Medicine, 44(16), 3361-3363.
